do you consider yourself a lucky person?

"the more i see, the more i find reason for those who love this country to weep over its blindness." - alexander hamilton

i ran across this quotation while reading ron chernow's alexander hamilton and i was just struck but how incredibly apropos it is. this is by no means my trying to turn this blog into some sort of politically motivated force. my politics for the most part are my own. but as a historian-in-training (one who at one point in her life wanted to teach american history and study constitutional law --- and be secretary of state but that is another story!) i can't not mention these things. could there be anything worse then seeing your past mistakes and choosing to repeat them?

that was a rhetorical question. i don't honestly know the answer.

i think i'm sabotaging my grad school auditions. i'm so tired from last semester that i feel like i can muster no drive to do what i know i need to do. i'm about to practice right now (yes, at 1 in the morning as is my way) and this is the thing i've wanted more than anything in my life but it is a giant weight on my shoulders and i feel like the more i accomplish, the heavier it gets. like will it ever get lifted? i ask that a lot. but i know the answer. right now, i have to suck it up and fight through the pain as my indomitable 5 foot tall blonde wisp of a teacher would say. so i'm going to write this, put everything away and take a big bite into the mozart.

the woman i interviewed for was amazing. social dance among strangers. i can't find her website, but when i do, i'll put it up. you should all check it out. she probably won't hire me though cause i'm working short term. but i did apply for a job at the brooklyn philharmonic which is literally perfect for me. so maybe it'll all work out.

mrs. speaker, here's to you.

two job interviews in two days, eh? that's a first, i think. it makes me feel good about the coming months --- i've never needed the money more than i do right now. and what's great is that they both put me around one of my first loves, dance. i feel more whole as an artist when i'm around dancers and when i dance myself. being a musician is great, it's my life but there's nothing like dancing.

at work yesterday, i had a scintillating conversation with one of my coworkers about social change. she and i are very similar in many respects. she's radical, a little more than me. i mean i am but its not so much on the surface. she claims i'm more liberal than i let on. that may be so, only time will tell. maybe it's the state of things, in the world and my life at this present moment.

speaking of, i'm in the middle of my sunday routine which consists of breakfast, reading the sunday paper (in this case, since i'm back in nyc, the new york times) and watching the chris matthews show, meet the press and the mclaughlin group back to back. they were just talking about saddam's execution; decency scale of 0 to 10. it's getting harder and harder for me to follow this routine each day but i feel it is my civic duty to do so.

you know, sundays have always been amazing days. i finally feel good after days of feeling horrible. that's a nice feeling, i will say. i miss my parents, though. and home, a lot. but then again, that's not something new.