let's both go outside and play

i'm not sure if this post will be two-fold, we'll see as i get into it. the personal, first.

as a very good friend and wise woman told me, today, actually, sometimes you need to have time to be wild. i couldn't agree more. these past three weeks have allowed me to connect with my inner club kid/amazon woman/sex goddess/barfly and it's been amazing. even with all of the downs (my stuff being stolen/lost/whatever you want to call it) i wouldn't trade it for anything. the moments were just too precious. but there is one thing that has come out of this that's changed my outlook on everything, most specifically, my own self-esteem.

my father told me once that the reason why guys don't hit on me in clubs/bars is because i frighten men. that might be partly true and i'm willing to concede that but i don't want that to be the case. so i went to NYC to shed that visage. and boy, did i. for the first time in many years, i've felt free and unattached. i told myself to loosen up and let whatever was going to happen, happen. so i danced with many a man, some nice and sweet, others scary as shit but i enjoyed myself and danced like i meant it. and then i met a fabulous guy who caught my eye immediately. we hit it off and i ended up spending the rest of the night with him. that night has now turned into us talking and seeing each other over the past two weeks. it's not anything at all, which my previous self is having a little trouble with but my new self is absolutely relishing and i'm enjoying it to the best of my ability. could it be something in the future? maybe, but even if i never speak to him again, i've now come to believe that i am an attractive young woman with things to offer to people other then my usual musician-boyfriend fare. i can't tell you how thankful i am (to him) for that, it has changed me completely.

well at this point, i've decided that this will not be a two-part post. the personal stuff takes enough out of me. but the next post is about...WAGNER. yeah you'll want to read it, i promise. (it's really about michael jackson but good old richard shows his face) till next time...