the poles between which our desire unceassingly is discharged

we as humans look for ways to seek refuge --- from the world and the things that mentally and emotionally bind us. i find myself taking refuge in the same sort of things; things which always make one feel safe and good. unfortunately, the first things that come to mind are those of the superficial. today, especially. like a comment made by my ex, my fabulous new chanel glasses, my upcoming concerts and not the fact that i'm constantly disappointing myself. i mean it is too easy to be ruled by ego and pride and then very natural to feel ashamed. we are wired for it.

however, i have to remind myself that in the end, i know what's best for me and someone's opinion of me, now matter how accurate, is far less important than my own personal feelings. i just hate the fact that maybe i'm becoming jaded to my world, losing the hope that i could make a difference. that's a bummer, let me tell you.

so i'll go home and get back to my book and think about all of the amazing things that reassure the feeling of goodness and worth in me. it's only fair. i think if i live up to my own expectations then everyone else will be satisfied. and if not, well, then, fuck 'em.

this semester i have a lot of things to say and not enough time in which to say them. such is the curse. plus that and the fact that in my new house (yes, i said NEW house) i don't have the internet yet. but you know i'm becoming far more efficient with that in mind. so i guess that means i should stop typing this entry, go home and wash my clothes, right?

right.