did you say that i was nice? and studious? and pretty!

i have to get over the fact that we all have to and want our egos to be stroked. it's subconscious, i think. me being a musician makes it even worse and i don't know how to feel. maybe i should just acknowledge it and move on and have that be the best thing. it's really not as serious as it sounds, folks! i started the NYU summer institute for wind quintet and chamber music today. i've been doing it for the past four years and i've loved it. i was especially happy to do it this time considering this is the last time i will be able to...i get to spend time with great musicians and of course my wonderful teacher and her equally wonderful quintet. we were placed in our quintets and the piece my quintet is working on is one of the danzi quintets. and what do i do? i get upset (internally) because someone else is playing the ligeti and the francaix blah blah blah. i know how silly it was of me to get that way. i was asked to play not just because they needed a bassoonist but because they know me and my chamber music experience. i'm playing in a group that doesn't have as much experience and i'm there to help them out which i LOVE. but no, all of that got lost in my ego. well after a nice ride on the train, i think i set my self straight. i thought about how great i felt after working with my mendelssohn trio and then i just realized i was being silly. and the worst part is, i know it's from insecurity. the fact that i'm always trying to prove myself. "yeah, i can play that music, too." i don't know why its still in me. i know how good i am. people respect me. old habits die hard, i guess.

on the happier side of things, the institute is going to be great. my friend sam is there along with some other people i know. everyone there seems really excited. i hate that i'm going to be so separated from them due to summer school but i'll do what i can. and of course, laura never lets me down. i love her and i'm not ready to leave her! i hope to have a great experience, i really do. i know i can be off-putting (shock of shocks) but i'm here to learn like everyone else.

ugh, could i get any more sappy/motivational poster-ish?

wow, now that i've vented all of that, i feel like i don't have anything else to say. i think there will be more as the week progresses...that and an update from the q (marvin hamlisch) gala, make music new york and the close of the new york phil season: mahler 9, deborah voight conducted by maazel. oh yeah. happy father's day!