there are things in life that are good of which people tend to be afraid. i should know. but realizing these things and coming to terms is a huge first step.
1) change is good. i went home to north carolina, turned 25 and cut off (most of) my hair. i thought i was going to be afraid of the hair thing, as i have been for so long, but it worked out. better than i could have imagined really. the first quarter-century was rocky so i'm trying to make the next one be a little more smooth.
2) distance is good. now this is the one that scares me the most because even though i need my space when i'm going through things (and most people in my life know this) i don't want anyone to think that i don't care about them. but they don't so why am i worrying? plus, there are some people who i just need to be away from. they are the ones who i thought my life depended on constant contact with them. i think they might know better than i do. i've been scared that if i don't keep up with someone that our relationship will fizzle. but distance is giving me the time and ability to reevaluate my feelings. and that is very good.
3) stress can be good. as long as it doesn't paralyze you. i'm still working on that one.
so all and all i'm trying to get my act together. i'm giving a recital in a month and it will be great (the first time i've ever been able to say that) and i will not freak out about academic things like teaching, program notes, theses, commentaries, etc. i will not be afraid.
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