yes, if you're looking for infinity, just close your eyes!

my vacation to the cayman islands was strange, in some regards.

i found myself sitting on my patio at 1:30 in the morning, reading milan kundera's the unbearable lightness of being and listening to ian bostridge sing grainger's brigg fair on constant repeat, feeling the breeze from the night sea, crying on the inside.

it reminded me of things and people whose names are not as important as the impact they have had on me recently. i've felt this indescribable feeling of emptiness. when i say empty, i mean poured out from a vase. not lacking but there was something there, something of which i am conscious but not clear. my alone time was pretty much spent that way for the entire trip. while wrapped up in the intoxicating prose of kundera and hearing (what i believe to be) the utterly quixotic and sensual sound of this song from the english countryside, i thought about my own spirit and what it would be like to complete someone. how devastating, painful and beautiful that would be. i know that doesn't really make any sense. it's so damn hard to explain.

but i promise, it wasn't depressing. it was transcendent. it was like i didn't feel anything at all, i just existed. and in that existence, i relived memories that really touched me. there is more but i can and will not say at this time, if ever. i have learned over the years (the hard way, unfortunately) that some things are best kept private.

aside from those moments, grand cayman was wonderful. i snorkeled with cute little fish, spoke italian, got hit on by many an island man and bought the best rum cake EVER. jealous, eh? i know, i know. but we can't all vacation forever...