when music and lights are gone and we're saying goodbye.

with the flood of negativity that seems to have swept everything, it's good to remember how good life can be.

last night, i went out with a handful of friends to celebrate our friend and our professor's respective birthdays. a great time was had by all, laughter and genuine love. i find those moments are few and far between, but when they happen --- magic! i've actually been lucky enough to have had a few of those in the past couple of weeks. the time spent with my high school orchestra conductor last weekend was time i will treasure for the rest of my life (she has a very special place in my heart, one of those teachers/people who really impacts one's life) working with my "kids" in opera studio is great as well. i try to bring a little levity to italiana, if that's at all possible. and tomorrow night, i'll be out on the town celebrating another birthday and i'm very excited. i don't really go out too much but i need it.

i came to the decision that come hell or high water, i am getting out of here, here meaning queens college, new york, whatever! i don't care if i have to take all four summer sessions, it is getting done. i don't know how i got to this memory, but i was thinking about my graduation recital and a conversation i had with my parents. they told me that right after i had finished, my teacher came up to them and said, "she can do whatever she wants in life. there's nothing she can't do." and i cried. at the time, i didn't realize people believed in me in quite that way. and when i got home today, i got a letter from ACSM in regards to the awards ceremony and the school of music graduation ceremony after commencement. it was a form letter, of course, but where it said "dear ms. mosley:" it was crossed out and my name was written over it. that was from my director. there are several graduates. mine was hand addressed and hand signed.

yeah.

so it's on. i'm not going to be depressed any more. i'm more determined than i ever was. and that's a pretty nice feeling. but along with all of that is the total exhaustion i'm feeling in regards to all of this extra work i'm doing but that's nothing new.

and speaking of the awards ceremony...once again, i can't attend. why? because i have a performance down the street. even though i love people telling me how awesome i am, i'm a musician 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. i mean, isn't that what "bachelor of music in performance" means, anyway?

in other news, thank god for spring! it took long enough for it to get here. i was all alone in the office today so i did my work for prof. john and part of that was going to staples and kinko's (oh and i am never going to staples again) and i decided to walk back to work. on the way, i did a little reminiscing...i went to a certain haagen-dazs on 72nd and amsterdam and thought about plans i had made not too long ago. surprisingly enough, it made me smile. because luckily for me, i still have the brooklyn bridge, it's not going anywhere, and i may have the opportunity to cross over it yet.