Sunday, August 16, 2009

and i'll cherish that moment for life

how do you recount something that's bigger than you?

i've never really been faced with this challenge before but i figured it would happen and hey, better sooner than later, no? i have been back in baltimore for a little over 24 hours now so i've had some time to think (yeah, right) about the last month. so what have i come up with? well all of the words that seem to describe this trip in the most apt of ways don't seem to be, well, real words...

clusterfuck, kerfuffle, ginormous, etc.

still, i found myself sitting on the floor in london heathrow with tears in my eyes. ah, the power of connection, even under the most trying of circumstances. so first, for the facts. i left DC for munich and after that went whirlwind through germany, austria, italy, the UK and iceland. many a concert were played (some were missed), and boy, did people attend. more than i ever would have imagined. (our concert at St. Martin-in-the-fields was PACKED) the entire time in iceland was spent working on and performing The Vision of the Apocalypse, an oratorio written by the ensemble's conductor and founder. that is a catchy little tune right there. not as hard as Rite but just as (musically) annoying. :) though the music we played wasn't beyond anything that i've done in my performing career, my ability to be flexible, to follow, to listen and interpret were stretched to the max. plus, there's no better way to build up endurance than playing three concerts in one day. no better way to get gigger's chops, too.

next: europe. seeing europe was everything i had imagined and more. salzburg was a fairy tale, i know i've been separated from england at birth and iceland is quite possibly the most breathtaking, mindblowing place i've ever been (yes even more serene than my dear lovely boone). in the few moments i had alone on this trip (and i tried to take as many as possible), i allowed myself to just be, wherever it was. i think some of my favorite moments were those, especially my solo trip to aldeburgh. if there was ever a time that i felt alive, that was it.

but the thing that meant the most was the people. walking into this thing, i was terrified. i really felt like i was the girl in the nudist colony who refused to take off her bra. would they accept me? would they like me? but, aha! my powers of persuasion over came fear and the whole lot. slowly but surely, i began to feel close to these people who were undergoing these hardships with me. i mean if anything brings people together, it's frustration. now granted some relationships were easier to forge than others, like missed connections with now-known hometown friends, musical colleagues and faux siblings. and of course, there were people who i thought i'd never win over (and maybe i didn't, who knows) but overall, there was a general feeling of pleasantness that kept me going (that and in usual imani style, a crush that kept me very busy). i even made friends outside of the tour, which was amazing and i'm hoping to keep those connections alive as well.

now yes, a lot of things went wrong and a lot of things made me pretty unhappy. the only reason i even choose to bring them up is as a reminder to me for the future. i've been asked by several if i would do a tour like this again and i've said no. not just because of my experiences but because i don't see a time in my life where it would be feasible again. and that leads me to another good thing. in less than two weeks lives the world that i've been anticipating for quite some time now. and let me tell you, i am terrified. i feel in no way prepared for Ph.D. applications, teaching and writing my thesis. this entire summer, including this trip, has given me the opportunity to enjoy myself in a way i never really thought possible. i've felt so alive and free and though i fear it may never be like this again, i am so grateful.

so yes i'm tired, my bassoon is tired, everything is tired. and yes, i'm ready to go back to work and i'm thankful to be back in the states. but i have no regrets. and that's all you'll get out of me. :)

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